A little accountability...............

*Let me preface this post by saying that I love and respect my body.........no matter what size!*

Today I have the luxury of both of my kids napping at the same time....doesn't always work out that way, as Garrett has mostly dropped his nap. So I felt ambitious enough to do my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred dvd. But not before stepping on the scale..........yikes! I knew all that ice cream I ate over the weekend would come back to bite me in my (not insubstantial) ass.......158 lbs! No lie. I didn't know you could even put on 3 lbs having a bowl of ice cream 2 nights in a row!

In the past few months the hubs and I have cut out most sugar, save a small amount of honey in the morning oatmeal/tea, trips to the in-laws (where sweet things are unavoidable), and the once a month ice cream treat(which I'm now recovering from). Healthy living is the major reason for the switch, although after being pregnant or nursing for almost 4 years, having a body that resembles the one I had pre-kiddos is a huge motivator for me.

For those of you who've known me since my teen years, you'd know that at the end of high school, I weighed WAY more than my present day fat weight of 158. In fact, around the time I graduated, I was about 190lbs and a size 16. Today I'm a size 10/12. After HS, I moved to the lovely hippy town of Ashland, became a bit more health conscious, and spent the next few years eating organic and walking about 50lbs of chub off.

Fast forward to now: I've had 2 kids, both breastfed, which La Leche League will tell you makes you lose weight faster. What they don't tell you is that you'll drop a lot of weight fast, but your body will hold onto a little chunk so as not to jeopardize your precious milk supply (this way, if you don't eat enough, baby will still get what they need). My youngest is now 19 months old, and after the sugar cut, I dropped 15lbs fast without doing much. Now it's time to step it up a notch.......hence the Jillian Michaels.

My goal for myself is this: To be able to work out for 60 minutes without feeling like I'm going to die, to tone up my arms/abs, and to feel fit and healthy. I'm not going to put a number on how much I want to lose (I'd rather be a toned, healthy size 10 than a thin-but-flabby-size 6), but I'd also like to lose a few inches overall and not break into a cold sweat at the idea of a bathing suit without board shorts over it.

Why, might you ask, am I telling you all this? I'll tell you why............ACCOUNTABILITY! I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to fail publicly. I figure, the more people who know about my shape-up goal, the better. In fact, if you're still reading this, feel free to ask me if I've worked out today (actually, ask me tomorrow....I just did Jillian!). Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stand up on my still-shaky legs, drink about a liter of water, and go shower......later.

Facing the Book............

Those of you who know me well know that Facebook is my happy place. A place where I can socialize with people while I'm chained by the boob to a sleeping baby doing nothing. Somewhere I can engage in a little adult conversation when I'm stuck at home with people who don't only talk about their bodily functions, diggers, Bob the Builder, the playground, and what they want to eat.

Now that the elections are over and with the holidays right around the corner, it makes me realize something about social networking sites and having a wide range of "friends"...............there is a wide range of what is/isn't appropriate to post about on a social networking website.

I was thinking about this last night when a friend (both in real life and on Facebook) asked this (on Facebook): "No one ever comments on posts involving REAL issues. Gotta talk about YOU, or what I had for dinner to get a response. Simply a reflection of what our society has become. Unfortunately..."

Now, I have a lot of pretty controversial opinions on a lot of things. Politically, I'm far enough left to be uncomfortable for a lot of folks, I have definitely made parenting choices that are "out there" by normal mainstream standards (cloth diapering, co-sleeping, birthing out of hospital, non-circumcising, just to name a few). I think it should be okay for gay people to be married (and that it's not a sin or morally wrong to be gay in the first place), legal to smoke pot if you want to, and that it's not okay to mess with the right to bear arms. Religion.......I'm not even going to go there, but I'm sure everyone would find some aspect of what I think surprising (from the holiest Christian to the most unbelieving Athiest).

The issue I have with sharing personal/political/religious beliefs on a social networking site is that I don't like to offend anyone. I have a wide range of contacts that range from high school acquaintances to close personal friends. Old work bosses, my in-laws, exes, family........all on there, and all know me in a different way than everyone else. Do I really want a professional reference to know what I think about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G? Does that mom I met 3 weeks ago in playgroup really want to hear that the hospital birth story she described to me is basically my worst nightmare and that I had my babies with midwives at a birth center or at home? Do I want my very Christian relatives to know that tonight I'll be imbibing half a bottle of 3 Buck Chuck Merlot and watching a whole season of Sex And The City while I fold my laundry?

Actually, those are all things I would post on Facebook. Maybe those are bad examples. But I've offended people. I've literally gotten a personal message for something I've posted that somebody was bothered enough by to personal message me. I'm not going to describe the incident in detail, but I'll just say that I didn't think I was being rude, offensive, or trashing anyone's personal beliefs/decisions (just stating my opinion on what I thought was a non-out-there topic). I'm kind of live-and-let-live when it comes to those kind of things. You do what you need to do, and I'll do what I need to do. If I do X, I'm not saying it's wrong to do Y.

I would like to say to anyone that reads this (all 3 of you), that everyone I'm friends with on a site like Facebook is special to me in some way........seriously. Each one has a unique relationship to me that means something. I literally don't friend people who I don't remember fondly in some way, or who I don't think serves a unique purpose in my life/social circle, and yes, the few "car accident" people (y'know, you can't look, but you can't look away?). Is it bad to tone things down so as not to offend people, or to choose not to share personal beliefs on a more public forum?

I must admit, though, it was funny for me to log into Facebook yesterday......Veteran's Day, just in case you didn't have work/school off, ever serve in the military, or have been living under a rock your whole life. So many people posting the same exact thing, and I highly suspect most of them don't actually give a sh** about veterans. But, as another real life (and yes, Facebook) friend says, "It's soooo easy to cut and paste!" Also kind of weird to log in on Easter and see "JESUS HAS RISEN" on 10 people's news feeds.

To wrap this up (I can hear Owen about to wake up), if you like to post about personal things and it's important to you, cool. It's good to have things to care about. I may judge in my mind, but I don't take it too personally or lose sleep over it. If I post on a topic you find offensive, you can be assured I didn't do it to piss you off. Can't we all just put on our big girl panties and get along? Love ya!

You get what you pay for.

I've heard this saying a lot lately, referring to material goods (usually fall-apart cheapos), but lately I've been thinking of it in the metaphorical sense. You really do, intangibly, get what you pay for. You can call it Karma, or the Golden Rule, but the essence of it remains the same. In so many different ways, you get back what you put out there.

If you put a lot of effort, love, and compassion into your personal relationships, it will come back to you. Conversely, if you only put in as much as you have to and try to always stack the odds in your favor, you end up with unbalanced relationships where one is giving and the other taking.

When you feed your body food made with pesticides and unnecessary crap, you get your money's worth of health problems such as diabetes, hypertension, or high cholesterol.

People who pay attention to their children in a mostly negative away get resentful kids who respond to them negatively.

If you put the time and labor into building something quality, be it a home or a friendship, you will rewarded by something long-lasting and sturdy. Whereas, if you cut corners and skimp on materials, all you'll have is the bare minimum.

Fluffy butts!

WARNING: Some of you may find this incredibly boring!

Okay, so for those of you who know me well, you know that I'm a pretty avid cloth diaper-er. Both kids have worn them since they stopped pooping out black tar (meconium, if you want to get technical) at 2 or 3 days old. Up until now I'd always used Fuzzibunz, a pocket diaper with a microfleece inner, a PUL outer, stuffed with microfiber inserts. We bought these kind for Garrett and have them in 3 different sizes (up to potty training size). They're simple, I just put them on the kids' butts, washed them, and didn't really think about it much. Then it all changed..........

I decided to make the switch to natural fibers a few months back, by selling off the small Fuzzibunz once Owen grew out of them, and the large ones that got too big for Garrett once he started slimming down. Then, with both kids in mediums, I could sell off the smalls and larges, building a stash of things I like. I'm cheap, and don't want to spend more money on diapers than we've already spent ($1500 or so on Fuzzibunz), so I wanted to sell them off first. Luckily, there's a fabulous online cloth-diapering community, full of mamas who like to buy, sell, and talk about diapers! I went for prefolds (A thick piece of cotton you fold and pin or snappi together) and fitteds, both of which need a cover over them. I went for wool, which is a natural fiber, that is antibacterial (when lanolized properly, it actually turns pee into saline) and can absorb up to three times it's weight in water without feeling wet.

Before the switch, I'd never been one of those mamas who likes to discuss and drool endlessly over cloth (and you know who you are), but now it's a whole different ballgame. There are diapers out there that are so soft and silky (like OBV, organic bamboo/velour), you wish you were wearing them. In patterns so cute you wouldn't believe, and in all different kinds of material....egyptian cotton, hemp fleece, bamboo, OBV. Don't even get me started on the wool..... I've literally salivated over knit longies (diaper cover and pants made of wool) so beautiful, they make you want to cry! I'm not proud to admit it, but I have seriously considered trying for a girl, just for the wool longies with ruffles on the booty.

What have I become? Now, being that I'm still expecting quite a few things in the mail, I've become a mailman stalker, hoping every day to get more fluffy wool and soft diapers for Owen. I'm always looking on HyenaCart.com for deals on mom-made or gently used diapers and wool. In fact, they call women like me "hyenas", so I guess that would be the perfect website to log onto 5 times a day! The biggest hyena I know said "how far you've fallen" just last week, and I kind of had to agree. I'm even thinking of learning to knit so I can make my own longies without having to pay up the butt for them (for knit longies, 1 pair brand new, it's not unusual for them to run $60+)!

I wonder what it is about cloth diapering that so many mamas get so interested in? I literally organize mine by color and type, and spend a few minutes every day making a solution of organic baby wash, coconut oil, and warm water to wet down my wipes with (yes, I also use cloth wipes). I actually find it calming, preparing all the diaper things and seeing all the soft puffy diapers all organized on the changing table. Weird, I know. But I'm happy in my little obsession....hey, at least it's not crack!

WWJD?

This is something I've been asking myself a lot lately. No, I'm not referring to the phrase "What Would Jesus Do?". I actually find that question to be self-aggrandizing and egocentric, elevating yourself to the same level as Jesus and all. If it helps you out, good for you, no judgement, it just always bugs the crap out of me. But anyhow, I digress. When I ask this question to myself, I always wonder: What would Janine do?

For those of you who don't know me well, Janine was my mom (and always will be, nobody can take that way from me). She passed away when I was 11. I remember quite a bit about her, not as much as I'd like, but a lot nonetheless. Now I'm finding that, although I thought I knew her pretty well, being a mom has reconnected us and I know her in a way that I didn't when she was alive. Maybe it's that way for all motherless daughters. Because, you see, every mom wants the same basic things (unless she's a heartless bag of evil who doesn't give a rat's ass about her kids, I suppose): To raise happy kids, to be a good parent, and not to mess the offspring up too badly, because let's face it, you WILL make some mistakes along the way.

Now my mom was no saint; she made some bad choices (but who hasn't?), she wasn't extremely well educated, and she kind of had a potty mouth, which I think rubbed off on me a bit. However, if there's any feeling I came away with after getting to spend 11 years with her as my sole parent, she was funny. Quick to see the humor in any situation, which, as a parent, can be a saving grace (she thwarted many a temper tantrum with her hilarious, spot-on imitations of my younger sister in a fit of fury).

She was also very matter of fact and patient. I don't remember her losing her cool very often. When we were being obnoxious, she was always very collected and in control, save a handful of times. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis (because, also for those of you that don't know me well, I have a very spirited 2 year old who likes to get on my last nerve at least 50 times daily). And if you asked her a tricky question, she'd always give the most honest and direct answer possible, without being overly informative and in age-appropriate terms.

These were all things about her that I never really thought about, until I had kids of my own. I'm ashamed to say that, when I thought about being a parent pre-kiddos, I was much more focused on the things that she did wrong as a mom. Not my memories in general, just regarding thoughts to the kind of parent I wanted to be. Now that I'm the same age as she was when she had two kids (29), it has really opened my eyes to all the things she did right.

And so I thank my mom, for being hilarious (which more than a few people say has also rubbed off on me). And for not making us feel like a pain in the ass too often (even when we were). And for taking care of us when we were sick and not making it feel like an enormous chore (even if it was). Also, for giving us life and love as long as you lived. My only regret is that she's not around to do a great parody of Garrett's tantrums. How great would that have been?